There’s one issue that seems to run rampant in the Positive Psych/Self-Love community: the idea of being perfectly positive. Some gurus have even claimed that by thinking positive 24/7 one can build their ideal dream life, implying that any failure to achieve such a thing means a failure on their part to be optimistic enough. Manifestation- which while incredibly useful, should not become the center on someone’s life- ends up being the greatest action one can take. Ill luck or unfortunate happenings are demanded to be met with a smile because if you perk up you’re going to be okay, okay?
To put it bluntly, that is such bullshit. I never thought I would feel so inclined to write a post like this, but I feel like it’s my duty as a member of this community to be honest and warn people that are either new or in too deep. Especially when it comes to those of us that deal with mental illness, or any sort of chronic illness really, it’s simply dangerous to think this way. You don’t have to avoid negativity to lead a positive life. Your mistakes and mishaps do not define you, and your inability to live in perfect joy is sure as hell not your fault. It’s okay to be sad sometimes. Let me repeat: it is okay and even good to be sad sometimes. There would be no happiness or peace without sadness or chaos. Humans are hard-wired to feel a large variety of emotions and to assert that we shouldn’t feel one of the more negative emotions is a slap in the face of the whole concept of self-love.
Loving yourself means accepting yourself. Accepting yourself means feeling what you feel and understanding feeling shitty doesn’t mean you are a failure, that you can’t be a positive force in this world. Don’t let anyone tell you to cheer up and shut up. Positivity does not equal perfection and you are not required to ignore your feelings in order to properly love yourself. I’m not telling you to wallow in self-pity and never break out of negative moods, but give yourself a good amount of time to recognize, accept, and deal with those feelings. Just because you have high anxiety or battle major depression doesn’t mean you aren’t a lovely, positive person. You just gotta feel your feelings, as silly and redundant as it sounds.
I know this turned into a bit of a rant, but I hope my message came across clear enough. I love you very much, and am wishing you all the best for the times ahead, rough or smooth.
Happy Friday, y’all! I’m so grateful that it’s the weekend. I’ve been feeling so lazy and sleep this week and I’m determined to be super productive and energized this weekend. I hope you all get done what you need to get done and get plenty of rest and laugh a bit too. Since I went on a month-ish-long hiatus from the Blogosphere I figured a quick life update was in order. Here goes…
- I’m still single. J and I still have feelings for each other but I truly believe that at this point in our lives we’re betting off staying best friends. I’m not looking for any romantic relationship- I’m quite content by myself.
- As tiring as it can be, I’ve come to enjoy working at the bakery. My coworkers and bosses are fabulous and I’m so blessed to receive a paycheck and work with such awesome ladies.
- I have one more (!!!) semester of college left before I earn my A.A! I’ll be graduating before the end of this year and I’m very excited and nervous. I’ll have to write a post on the subject, I think it’s something a lot of people my age would appreciate and hopefully find comfort in.
- I recently turned 20! And so far, being the big 2-0 has treated me quite well.
- I’ve fallen off the goals/dreams wagon lately but I’m getting my ass back on tracks. I think I deserve to be happy and well, so I’ll try my hardest.
Sorry for such a tiny post today, loves, but I have a ton of things to do and have to be at work this afternoon. I’m hoping to begin posting every few days and (hopefully) you’ll enjoy some new content!
So much love and hugs,
Good morning, darlings. I’m sending you guys hugs over the Internets and tons of happy vibes. Is the summer treating you well? Or, for those in the southern hemisphere, is it chilly where you’re at? No matter what the weather, I hope y’all are safe, comfortable, and at peace. Now- down to business.
It’s no secret that a book a day keeps the boredom away. Books keep magic alive and well in our hearts. When Nature is having a dramatic mood swing, nothing feels better than to stay inside and cozy up with a good book. It’s one of the most luxurious feelings to have, in all honesty.
If you’re feeling a bit dull- like I was- even reading a book that you might normally enjoy can seem tedious and chore-like. And since a lack of enthusiasm usually indicates a less-than-fulfilling life/lifestyle, we obviously need to fix that icky monotony. A good way to do that, I’ve recently realized, is to read a book specifically about something you feel the most passionate about. Be it about environmental issues, the conservation of the honey bees, financing or psychology, pick up a book on it! At times I felt so lack-luster that I couldn’t bear to pick up an interesting fiction novel, I gravitated towards a book on mythology and the history of religions/spiritualities. Because it’s a subject I’m so enthralled by, I was able to read and become absolutely enchanted and inspired. It feels great to learn new things about a topic you love.
And though this tip may not work for everyone, getting your mojo back is an incredibly important task to do for yourself and of a high priority. Hopefully, it will help you with fueling your fire just as much as it has done for me; you’ll never know until you try.
Best of luck and loads of love,
Ps: “A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.”~ Carl Sagan
Happy Monday, gorgeous! I hope your week is off to a joyous start and you’re feelin’ all sorts of good vibes. Before I head to my shift at work I figured I would share a tiny insight that I’ve realized during my “Soul-Search-Because-I-Can’t-Come-Up-With-Anything-Cooler”: ideal does not equate to perfect, and trying to have the perfect day/be the perfect self is goddamn exhausting. Seems like common sense, right? I guess it just took me a bit longer to realize some of my disappointment in life was because I was trying to live up to an ideal that went beyond responsible expectations. Trying to achieve these goals (zero junk food, 8 glasses of water and no less, working out every day, etc.) just made me feel guilty and shameful for not doing things 110% perfectly. Sometimes we’re all too hard on ourselves for not completing our marathons, when we should feel proud for running 3/4 of the way and then gearing up to try again! As Dave Willis wisely said, “Be an encourager- the world has enough critics already.”
Instead of sulking around feeling defeated, I’ve recognized I need to approach myself with love and gratitude before anything else. If I had a cookie at lunch, I don’t need to give up and hate myself for “ruining” my healthy lifestyle. I can get back on the proverbial horse and make a fresh, nutritious dinner. Listen, y’all: There is no need for self-shame. There is a huge need for self-love and self-acceptance. At least for myself, living in this world makes me feel like every day needs to be a competition – and in some sense it should be- but not at the expense of my relationship with myself. Just as we should approach others with understanding and encouragement, so we should ourselves. You can live up to your ideals, but you’ll never live up to your ideas of perfection.
It’s nothing revolutionary, but I figured if it took me so long to figure that out, someone else might appreciate the realization. I’m sending you all warm hugs and tons of positive vibes.
So much love from me to you,
Good morning, lovelies of the Interwebs! It’s been a hot minute since we last spoke, huh? I apologize for not being on in so long. I’ve been in a sort of denial about writing lately. Part of me felt too overworked to write, and the other part of me recognized that I simply didn’t want to write. I know, I know. Bad Violet- writers keep on writing! It doesn’t matter if they want to, they just do it anyway and see where it takes them! But anyhoo, personally, I’m not being too hard on myself because I feel as though I was in a negative, unsatisfactory, just-plain-dull place in my life; and this is a space dedicated to positivity, love, and compassion. I felt entirely at a loss as how to navigate my life and my feelings. It wasn’t that I was in a dark place- it was nothing like that- but it was an area devoid of true joy and genuine passion. Let’s be honest, if I can’t get my shit together enough to help someone smile a little longer, then how useful would my writing be?
So as totally cliche as it sounds, I’ve been doing mega soul-searching. I’ve had my nose in books, flowers in my room, crystals around my neck, and all other things I assumed a lifestyle guru would suggest. I’ve learned quite a bit and I’m honestly so psyched to share it with you all.
Cheers- to new beginnings, and picking up where we left off.
Tons of love,