An Important Reminder

There’s one issue that seems to run rampant in the Positive Psych/Self-Love community: the idea of being perfectly positive. Some gurus have even claimed that by thinking positive 24/7 one can build their ideal dream life, implying that any failure to achieve such a thing means a failure on their part to be optimistic enough. Manifestation- which while incredibly useful, should not become the center on someone’s life- ends up being the greatest action one can take. Ill luck or unfortunate happenings are demanded to be met with a smile because if you perk up you’re going to be okay, okay? 

To put it bluntly, that is such bullshit. I never thought I would feel so inclined to write a post like this, but I feel like it’s my duty as a member of this community to be honest and warn people that are either new or in too deep. Especially when it comes to those of us that deal with mental illness, or any sort of chronic illness really, it’s simply dangerous to think this way. You don’t have to avoid negativity to lead a positive life. Your mistakes and mishaps do not define you, and your inability to live in perfect joy is sure as hell not your fault. It’s okay to be sad sometimes. Let me repeat: it is okay and even good to be sad sometimes. There would be no happiness or peace without sadness or chaos. Humans are hard-wired to feel a large variety of emotions and to assert that we shouldn’t feel one of the more negative emotions is a slap in the face of the whole concept of self-love.

Loving yourself means accepting yourself. Accepting yourself means feeling what you feel and understanding feeling shitty doesn’t mean you are a failure, that you can’t be a positive force in this world. Don’t let anyone tell you to cheer up and shut up. Positivity does not equal perfection and you are not required to ignore your feelings in order to properly love yourself. I’m not telling you to wallow in self-pity and never break out of negative moods, but give yourself a good amount of time to recognize, accept, and deal with those feelings. Just because you have high anxiety or battle major depression doesn’t mean you aren’t a lovely, positive person. You just gotta feel your feelings, as silly and redundant as it sounds.

I know this turned into a bit of a rant, but I hope my message came across clear enough. I love you very much, and am wishing you all the best for the times ahead, rough or smooth.

Much love,

Violet XO

Letting Go Of Your “Perfect Self”

Happy Monday, gorgeous! I hope your week is off to a joyous start and you’re feelin’ all sorts of good vibes. Before I head to my shift at work I figured I would share a tiny insight that I’ve realized during my “Soul-Search-Because-I-Can’t-Come-Up-With-Anything-Cooler”: ideal does not equate to perfect, and trying to have the perfect day/be the perfect self is goddamn exhausting. Seems like common sense, right? I guess it just took me a bit longer to realize some of my disappointment in life was because I was trying to live up to an ideal that went beyond responsible expectations. Trying to achieve these goals (zero junk food, 8 glasses of water and no less, working out every day, etc.) just made me feel guilty and shameful for not doing things 110% perfectly. Sometimes we’re all too hard on ourselves for not completing our marathons, when we should feel proud for running 3/4 of the way and then gearing up to try again! As Dave Willis wisely said, “Be an encourager- the world has enough critics already.”

Instead of sulking around feeling defeated, I’ve recognized I need to approach myself with love and gratitude before anything else. If I had a cookie at lunch, I don’t need to give up and hate myself for “ruining” my healthy lifestyle. I can get back on the proverbial horse and make a fresh, nutritious dinner. Listen, y’all: There is no need for self-shame. There is a huge need for self-love and self-acceptance. At least for myself, living in this world makes me feel like every day needs to be a competition – and in some sense it should be- but not at the expense of my relationship with myself. Just as we should approach others with understanding and encouragement, so we should ourselves. You can live up to your ideals, but you’ll never live up to your ideas of perfection.

It’s nothing revolutionary, but I figured if it took me so long to figure that out, someone else might appreciate the realization. I’m sending you all warm hugs and tons of positive vibes.

So much love from me to you,

Violet XO

A little inspiration for those learning to love your inner & outer self. ♥

Hey there, beautiful! I was enjoying having the house to myself- *ahem* karaoke time *cough* – and I came across the song “Try” by Colbie Caillat. It gave me absolute goosebumps, or as my poetry professor says, “chillbumps”. Suddenly I felt  a yearning inside- damn, I wish that songs like this had been around when I was a preteen, and I hope that my two nieces grow up to love themselves. I try my best to raise them as strong and confident girls but as an aunt who isn’t with them 24/7, I can only do so much. On the bright side, I can always work on raising myself. I’m still in the process. Maybe I always will be, but I’m kind of okay with that. As long as you’re learning, a day is never wasted.

And what better way to show myself love than to indulge in some inspiration and share with my Interweb fellows? Here are some passionate and incredibly positive videos for y’all on this Sunday morning:

♥ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

♥ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnDgSsWnwwE

♥ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODnMaf0rB4c

I’m also going to challenge you to do something~ Take out a piece of paper and your favorite writing utensil. Write down 5 things about your physical appearance that you love, and ten things about your inner self that you love. I know you can do it.

Much love and tons of good vibes,
Violet XO

A reminder for ~YOU~!

Hey there, darlings. This message is made special just for you- all of you. If you’ve been waiting for a sign, or some sort of comfort from the Universe, this is it. You are unbreakable. You may bend underneath the pressures of life, but you will never be broken. Your scars are proof that you can overcome anything. You have immeasurable strength, courage, bravery, and beauty. Beautiful isn’t the most important thing for a human to be, but know that you are gorgeous- a stunner inside and out- and it is totally okay to feel that way about yourself. It’s okay to feel beautiful, and it is not selfish or vain to do so.

You deserve to love yourself. How can you help others if you’re not well yourself? “Once we acknowledge and accept the good in us we can spread the good in the world” (if someone knows who first said this quote, please let me know in the comments below). Once you light a spark of love and compassion in your own heart, it will be much stronger and brighter; it will truly help you spread that love to others.

Treat yourself kindly, whether you’re celebrating a raise or feeling disappointed in yourself over a recent failure. You deserve your love and care 100% of the time. If you had a child, would you only love them when they behaved their very best? No, even though they may be difficult or challenging for us, we still love and care for them. Why is it so easy for us to love other people, in all their imperfect glory, but so hard for us to do ourselves the same favor?

Love yourself. Love others. Give yourself a break and rest when you know you need to. If you just took a few steps back, reflect on what went wrong and see what you can learn from it. Let it catapult you towards your dreams and desires. “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop” (Confucius). Celebrate all your victories, no matter how small. Take a couple risks and learn to listen to yourself, so you can better listen to others. Go after what you really want.

Your strength is unfathomable, your courage untouchable, and your beauty undeniable.

I hope this small letter gives you a little more hope and peace to hold on to. I hope you accomplish every single one of your dreams.

Wishing you the best & lots of love,

Violet XO

Bouncing back after bad experiences..

Hello, loves. We’ve all had bad things happen to us. We are let down by loved ones, become hindered by an unexpected obstacle, we fail in achieving one our greatly desired goals. It can seriously damage your confidence in yourself and your dreams. You may think, Did I make the wrong choice? Was I mistaken in thinking I could trust myself/that person? Am I not meant to be successful and happy? Will my dreams ever come true?

Talk about low morale.

In simple terms, failure SUCKS. It sucks when things don’t go the way we planned or hoped. And if we’re not careful enough, we can let our egos rule over us and we may vow to never try whatever we did again. That’s how people don’t achieve their dreams, friend. If you really want that job, that success, that whatever-it-is that you want, you need to work for it. You need to work for it hard. Your bruised ego might throw doubts and darts of negativity at you but don’t you dare give up on your goals; don’t fucking give up on your happiness. You need to brush yourself off, give yourself a pep talk, and bounce back into it.

For example, I did not get the job at the library. It is very disheartening for me- I thought it was something in the bag. It was perfection and would have made me very happy. Unfortunately, the Universe decided I wouldn’t have that lovely position. And believe me, it makes me not want to try- what if I get rejected from every job that I truly want? I’m scared of being miserable in a shitty job that will lead me to be a shitty person. I’m not exactly happy at the moment.

But I want to be happy. I want my happiness and a secure future that I will love so I will get back up. I’m going to search for more similar jobs with schedules that will work with mine at school. I will apply for all those jobs that fit my needs/wants best. I will show up to any interview- even those terrifying phone call interviews- and pretend I am a damn confident and sociable person who is 110% up for the job, even though it will be scary for me. I’ll probably fail again, and maybe even a third time. But worrying won’t help; it only hurts.

Give yourself the proper time to mourn whatever loss you have suffered, then focus on positivity, get up, and keep on fighting the good fight. Maybe you’re just one more failure closer to achieving your true dreams and a happy life. Stay strong.

Don’t you dare give up.