A little dose of happiness

Consider today’s post a potent potion for feeling a little bit better. It may not cure anything, but it sure as hell will work wonders. So grab a glass of iced tea (I’ve got my favorite, Tazo Peach Green Tea, right next to me!) and settle on the comfiest chair you can find.

I just wanted to tell both myself and you guys: “The storm will pass. Your heart and mind will settle.” (s.k.)

Even without accounting for recovery, life is hard. Anyone else who says otherwise is full of shit. Yes, life is not as challenging as we think it is sometimes, but it is undoubtedly difficult. They say the hardest part of something is always admitting that you aren’t who or where you want to be, and deciding to make a change. That can be a large obstacle to overcome, but I think we can agree that the most challenging part of change is the actual change itself- altering your habits, your words, encouraging/discouraging certain behaviors, etc. Right now I happen to be in the mid-change boat.

So remember, everybody, (including me because I need hella motivation and positivity today) that the journey is hard- it’s full of unseen nooks and crannies and crooks and weird people and strange places and rocks you were so sure weren’t on the path just yesterday. It only makes sense that we’re going to struggle and even- GASP- make some mistakes along the way. Hell, you might just make a lot of mistakes. But you know what?

That is A Okay, bub.

Life is hard, and you’ve survived yours up to today. You can damn sure do it again, and you will see a shining, glorious ending eventually. I promise, it will be so worth the wait. Celebrate your current success. Appreciate the little things. And give yourself a pat on the back or your preferred flavor of frozen yogurt or something (Cake batter, woo!) because YOU DESERVE THIS.

NEWSFLASH- you deserve good things and pleasure in your life.

I am soooo proud of you for making it this far. I believe in you and your wild, crazy dreams. You’re going to do this, I know it, and so does the Universe. I bet it’s chilling, drinking a cosmic CapriSun just waiting for it to all come together. Tonight, let your mind rest a little easier and do something nice for yourself and the ones you love. You deserve a Cheerful Celebration, not a Pity Party.

You go girl 🙂

Forgiving Yourself & A New Challenge!?

Good evening, little lightning bugs! It seems like Mother Nature decided to skip over Spring almost entirely and went straight to Summer. The day was sunny and hot as Hades, but luckily for the Midwest it seems that the next few nights are destined to be cool. Thank goodness! Warning: this post is going to be a bit sporadic.

Lately I’ve been trying to be aware of what I eat and how I eat. Although I have never suffered from an Eating Disorder, I can definitely say that I tend to be susceptible to disordered eating. I think it’s something a lot of people in this century have started to deal with. It’s not that I don’t like food or eating- I LOOOOVE food. If I could be in a relationship with a BTB from Panera, I wouldn’t even hesitate. However, I have a weird relationship with food, and it sometimes involves a lot of guilt, shame, or disappointment. It’s hard to explain. Some weeks ago I got really sick- I only made it 20 minutes into my favorite class and had to leave, it was that awful- and I believe it is because I wasn’t eating enough to stay healthy; the food I ate had zero nutrition and I would still exercise a little each day. I felt so incredibly sick that I vowed to treat my body better. I try my best to think of food equating fuel for my body. The better the food, the better the fuel for this vessel that I inhabit. I think I’ve been making some progress- my eating hasn’t been perfect but I ate when I felt hungry, had some water, and included some fresh veggies and fruits with some of my meals. It’s a step!

Another thing I’ve been working on is my skin. I developed acne my Junior year in high school and it can get VERY bad depending on my stress level and daily habits. I would love to clear up my skin this summer, so I’m changing up quite a few of my habits. The first to go? Always wearing a million layers of makeup over my irritated skin every day. I absolutely adore makeup and all of its uses, but lately I’ve been using it as a crutch for my self esteem. Uneven skin? BB cream! Blemishes? Concealer and Foundation! Then a lipstick or brow pencil or anything to keep the focus off of my difficult skin.

But it’s pretty damn vain of me to spend the rest of my life freaking out about something that so many people deal with as well. Unfortunately, it’s natural. So while I will be doing my best to prevent any further breakouts and allow the current ones to heal, I have challenged myself to stop wearing tons of makeup to simply feel socially acceptable. Screw it! I’m a marvelous soul, so why should I be so concerned about my appearance? My time could be better spent.

Fun fact~ when Demi Lovato (an inspiring individual, gorgeous inside and out) was attacked online and scrutinized for being “overweight”, this was her badass reply…

“I am healthy and happy. If you’re hating on my weight, then you’re obviously not.” 

Someone give this girl a medal!

As for forgiving myself, I got news yesterday about an ex-boyfriend and how his life has gone downhill. He was lacking in emotion a lot of the time, but still a person that I used to cherish, even after we stopped dating. I’d known him for five years- he was intelligent, dorky, cute, and always knew how to make me laugh. I cut off the friendship after a certain “friend” cyber-bullied me and he didn’t say anything about it. My friend then heard him making fun of me behind my back. Didn’t defend me, didn’t speak to me until my birthday (several months later) and I ignored him. That was it. Apparently now he might have quit college, works back at the high school he didn’t like, and is going down a bad hill. At first he was just smoking weed but then it started becoming excessive, and now I guess he’s been doing Acid back-to-back some days and smoking at the same time and just screwing with his brain.

I’ve been feeling sort of.. regretful, I guess. He had negative impacts on my life, but nobody was perfect. Sometimes I feel like I need to give people third, fourth, and fifth chances because I know I can make a lot of mistakes too. And he used to be someone I loved. I wanted to save him. But I think it’s time I forgive myself. I love him, but there were also other reasons why I cut him out of my life. He contributed to my negativity more than acceptable, and in order to be healthy and happy I had to let him go. It’s not my fault that he has ended up like this, and I need to let this go. Maybe at some point he’ll strike up a conversation, and maybe I might talk to him. But it’s been a long, long time and I’m okay not being his friend. I have some guilt in me, but I forgive myself. I forgive myself for doing something that might be selfish, because it was the best choice for my recovery. I forgive me.

Is there anything you’d like to forgive yourself for? Have you ever had to cut someone you cared about out of your life, for your health? What’s your favorite body peace quote? And is there any bad habit you’d challenge yourself about?

Love you guys. Keep on smiling, babes.

Anxiety tips + Rape culture rant + how to truly love yourself= one hella long post

Before I be all positive and awesome, I want to take a second, get my feminist on, and ask the universe something: Why the hell do we contribute so much to Rape Culture?! This always blows my fucking mind. How many times has a rape victim come forward and been bombarded with criticism on how much she drank or how much skin she was showing? On how she shouldn’t have been out alone anyway? Why on fucking earth do public high schools put so much damn effort into punishing young women who wear shirts or tank tops (and aren’t showing ANYTHING inappropriate) because god forbid my shoulders or thighs give a boy in puberty an erection, instead of calling out the guys who call girls sluts/whores and teaching young men to not treat them as sexualized objects to be conquered? If it is 80-90 degrees freaking Fahrenheit, WE ARE GOING TO WEAR SHORTS AND TANK TOPS.  Stop trying to teach us to be ashamed of our beautiful, sacred temples! We are not here for your sexual desires; nor do we exist to be attractive to you. We do not give you “impure thoughts”, you are having them of your own accord. And fuck you for thinking being female means that you’re only good for sex and baby-making. I personally respect men enough to expect them to be intelligent beings who can understand “no” as “no” and fucking control their sexual impulses. Seriously.

Okay, end of rant (see what you’ve done to me, news?). Bah. Now I’m physically smiling wide -it lowers blood pressure- and am ready to approach the day less cynically.

As someone who has dealt with Anxiety Disorder literally all of my life, I understand that this society is not Anxiety-friendly. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard people dismiss it simply as nervousness, said it doesn’t exist (really?), or that it’s just a teenaged-white-first-world-girl problem. This society does not cater to those who suffer from this, along with other mental illnesses. So believe me when I say that I understand it’s hard and that “It’s going to be okay” or “just calm down” aren’t sufficient. Here are some of the tips and techniques I’ve amassed over the past few years. i hope they help you out.

1. Controlled breathing~ An easy breathing exercise is inhaling deeply for 4 seconds, holding your breath for 4 seconds, and then release slowly for 8 seconds. Deep breathing really really helps with preventing/disarming panic attacks. When you feel yourself slipping, try this.

2. Positive affirmations~ I am beautiful. I am strong. I have overcome this before, and I will overcome it again. This is only temporary. My life is beautiful, even if I can’t see that right now. I am not alone. I am never alone.

3. Happy distractions~ Sometimes the only thing that really helps to calm me down is to distract myself with little things that make me happy. Watch your favorite youtube videos/movie/tv series or read your favorite book/blog. Write in a journal with your favorite color of ink, listen to cheerful music, light some incense, doodle, or go for a walk. Surround yourself with some of your favorite things so you are distracted and you can slowly pull out of your anxiety attack.

4. Reach out for others~ When I’m going through a bad bout of Anxiety I feel very alone and isolated from everyone else. My brain knows I have loved ones who I can reach out to for comfort and help, but at the same time I am convinced that no one can help me and I’m doomed to suffer all by myself. Surround yourself with love and comfort from others- call up a good friend and talk with them, ask your mom or dad to stay up with you a little late so that you can calm down (my amazing mother thankfully understands this and always helps me out!), cuddle with a furry friend, or ask a loved one to pick you up and spend time with them. It’s so much easier to get through things when you have support and caring on by your side.

Lastly, I found one of the best pages on Tumblr in the galaxy and one post in particular stood out to me. It was talking about how recovery isn’t a race and that if today you just can’t love and fully accept yourself, put your effort into not hating yourself. Self-love is a hard, long journey; we can’t always place a smile on our face and say in full honesty that we love ourselves just the way we are. However, we can always and forever avoid hating ourselves. Your body loves you so damn much, it tries to fight off illnesses for you. It has fat to insulate and protect your internal organs. It lets you sense the world around you and find pleasure with those senses, and it does it’s best to heal, even when you have harmed it. That is powerful. Your body loves you and the least you can do is not hate it.

PS: the blog I referenced is this one: http://ed-free-maggie.tumblr.com/. This person is incredible and has the most beautiful soul.

Garden Witchery

Happy Tuesday, people of the Interwebs! Sorry I didn’t post the flower spell last night, I honestly wasn’t feeling it. I was pretty grumpy. However, today is a new day and I’m pointing my face towards the sunshine- though some gloom and rain would be super appreciated, Mother Nature. I won’t be posting a ton on Wiccan topics since I’m still in the learning process, but if it’s relevant or when there is a Sabbat or Esbat coming up (These are sort of like holidays or days for sacred celebration) I’ll write a post or two. I figured with spring coming to an end and summer arriving shortly it would be a lovely time to talk about a little Garden Witchery.

Do you remember hearing the advice from older folk to talk to your flowers? I’ve heard this wise advice a few times and not surprisingly discovered it may have its roots in old Pagan culture. Wiccans and Pagans tend to get a pretty shitty rep in modern media, but magick isn’t some Hocus Pocus. I mean, there are wands involved (along with various other symbolic tools, like in most religions) but at least in my eyes, it’s more of a focused self-aware thinking. Many things we do in our daily lives (spring cleaning, putting good intentions into cooking/baking, and hanging mistletoe and similar holiday greenery up around the house in the winter period) are actually traditionally Pagan. As you see, there’s nothing extremely weird about those things; they are simply traditions that call upon us to live in the present and use our power to create a loving, nature-centered, and safe environment. That was sort of a murky explanation ha, but Wicca can be hard to describe sometimes.

Well, the older people were onto something: plants react and may grow when surrounded by vibrational stimuli. Our voices and spoken words involve vibrations, and according to research plants may best grow when around music. Most of us don’t want to set up a stereo next to our gardens that plays music 24/7, so singing or speaking to your flowers is the next best thing. To learn more about helping your plants to go, check out this interesting source: http://www.proflowers.com/blog/can-talking-to-plants-help-them-grow.

My small spell that I speak or sing to flowers is this (feel free to create your own if you’d like to try it for yourself!);

Sweet little blossoms

stretching towards the Sun,

May your petals unfurl

and stems grow strong.

May you live in peace

with the birds and the bees,

drink your fill from rain

and feel love from me.

You can sing or speak these when watering or grooming your garden. As long as you truly mean and believe it, the magick will begin its work. Try to think positive, calm, loving thoughts when gardening. And if you’re not Wiccan, simply enjoy the happiness the garden gives you and let the plants soak up those healthy vibrations!

Are you growing anything in a garden this year? What are your favorite flowers? Do you have any gardening/planting tips for us beginners (this is my first time in ten years)?


Good morning, darlings. Before I begin my little pep talk for ya’ll, I thought I’d share some interesting information..

I have a secret admirer! (!!!!!!!!!!!)

Little old me? Well gosh dangit, I didn’t realize I was that fab. *hair flip*

My good friend C is in Miami right now and she randomly texted me saying that one of her friends is interested in me. Since I’m overflowing with curiosity, I pretty much hounded her to unmask this mysterious man. Unfortunately (for me), she’s too awesome of a friend to go back on an oath swearing her to secrecy. I am intrigued, to say the least.

 13. Two Gulls Shocked After Seeing Me Sun Bathing In My Y-Fronts

Hint: This was literally my reaction. (photo from dailynewsdig.com)

Anyhoo, here is my message to you beautiful, magnificent people today: imagine a bright, lovely future for yourself- full of love, happy memories, laughter, kisses, embraces, and with dreams and wishes coming true- and act the part. By “act the part”, I mean for you to fully believe in yourself and that you will ultimately be receiving that future, and totally kick life’s ass as you walk like a person who knows how to perform magic with the universe. An easy way of doing this is thinking about what Ideal Future You would do today. For example: My Ideal Future Self is healthy- she is well and glowing and her health oozes out of her (not literally, of course. That would be disgusting).What would Healthy Violet do? I think she would drink 8 glasses of water, do a small workout to Blogilates (another amazing babe I suggest you should check out. She makes exercising fun and helps to motivate you!), read a little, eat balanced meals, sing to the flowers to grow big and strong, and spend at least an hour treating herself. And damn skippy treating herself entails reading Creepypasta and eating lays chips with sour cream/onion dip… while lounging in super comfy clothes surrounded by yummy-smelling candles. So basically, just act as though your Ideal Self would act. Own it, I triple dog dare you. .>:l This smiley means business!

Who is your ideal self and what does she/he do today? Do you accept my rebellious challenge (you know you want to)? What things to you do to treat or pamper yourself? Also.. have you ever had a secret admirer before, and how did that story turn out?

 PS: Later today I’ll post something wickedly Wiccan- ah, word play- and show you the mantra I have for helping my beautiful flowers grow big and strong.

Arsenal of Awesome

Hello my little nuggets, how is your morning going? I didn’t sleep in today but I’ve got an insane determination to do things (GASP! Violet, not being a total couch potato? Who knew.) I’m hanging out with my best friend M today and I simply can’t wait. It’s been too long- hint: it’s been a week- so I can’t wait to grab a cup of tea with her and be silly. Unfortunately she doesn’t get off of work until 8:30, so I am going to find ways to entertain myself until then.

Anyhoo, I thought I’d channel my inner Gala (ohmygawd I’m sorry I keep mentioning her but she’s just so awesome) and post a fabulous set of links to help all of ya’ll with your journey to good health and positivity. Enjoy and let me know if you like any of them. Feel free to post a link that you find helpful.












And to finish this off, here’s a post with an immense amount of cutie patooties:


Wishing you moments of happiness and some body peace! Love yourself, because you’re awesome, ‘kay? ‘Kay.

Answers to my little questionnaire ^-^

1. I like my wide hips, booty, thighs, hair, and eyes. I love my singing voice, my compassion, determination, creativity, and big heart.

2. On a scale, I’m about a 4. Not super well or happy, but not as anxious as usual.

3. I am looking forward to visiting the aquarium in Chicago for the first time, possibly getting a quiet job at a local library, and going to Gay Pride for the third time 🙂 I’m also excited for when I can visit a pool or beach and returning to Riot Fest (squeeeee, Rise Against! Pussy Riot! Circa Survive! Weezer! Eeeeeeep!!!). Ooh, and I’m psyched for hopefully volunteering to take care of cute kitties, dying my hair back to a darker purple, possibly taking a road trip with J (?), being published in Torrid Literature again, and adding some more flowers to my cozy garden.

4. My small goal for the day was to be the model in a photoshoot done by my sister-in-law. I’m not used to having people look at me or take pictures of me, you know? It feels awkward to act pretty, if you understand what I mean. According to her, I “rocked it”. Hahaha, I don’t know about that, but I DID go through it and accomplish that goal.

5. My bigger goal for the day was to feel good about myself and be more active- as J suggested. I’m normally sort of a hermit that just chills on the Interwebs and spends the day in silent solitude. He pointed out that it might help me to spend more time outside and doing active things. And I finished this for the most part; I still feel pretty insecure yet I was basking in the sunshine- on a freaking cobblestone path, for goodness’s sake!- and hanging out with my big sis. I think that’s at least a step, right?

I mean, celebrate the little things! You deserve it.

6. I am inspired by Gala Darling, J, my mermie (♥), my Intro to Psych professor, and Katy Perry.

7. And lastly, these are ten things that make me happy: hilarious tumblr posts, glitter, pastel nail polish, dark red/purpleish lipstick, widdle bb animals, baby laughter, warm showers, flowery backyards, macaroons, and good books.


Goodnight ya’ll!

Putting things into perspective (TW: mention of self injury & eating disorder)

Last night was one of those nights; you know, those moments where it seems life is merely perpetual boredom and just not sufficient. Coming from someone who acknowledges that life is precious and beautiful and of infinite worth, this really messed me up. Part of me wanted this feeling to go away and change things in my life to make it more purposeful. The other part? It thought, Meh. Why should I even care? It had a complete lack of motivation (really problematic and the enemy of those with mental illness). Thankfully, J had ridiculously wise words and sage advice- I believe he said something along the lines of: It’s hard to see the point in things and even want to change anything, but when you get that first happy moment, it’ll change everything and inspire you to keep on bettering yourself. Goodness, is he some sort of therapeutic wizard? So even though I still feel sort of lethargic, a little spark in my ignited. It’s that minuscule but magical spark within all of us that ignites when we need it most; the tiny but forever-burning fire which fuels our spirit and mind. It made my mind drift back to my stay in the hospital, and some of the many invaluable things I learned there.

I was placed in the SIRS/ED program at Alexian Brothers (Self Injury Rehabilitation Whatever-the-S-stands-for and Eating Disorders). There I met many incredible and wondrous individuals who I will forever thank for their help and keep in my heart always. Not just those who helped support me and my new healthy perspective, but those that were so tremendously far gone that I was scared into never being one of them. It had heartbreaking moments: the 12 year-old girl that was so withered away and fragile that on family visit day her parents would hold her in their arms as if she were an infant. She was so small, and I’m sure her demons have stunted her growth by now. It hurt seeing that and still brings tears to my eyes- I hope that some day she will look in the mirror and recognize who she really was: a survivor of disease, a loving big sister and daughter, and a precious, sweet girl with a quiet voice that was braver and stronger than most. There was the teen girl who had a swirl of strawberry- blond on her head, who (while being weaned off of medication) writhed and screamed on the floor, sobbing for “more pills please, just to take the pain away”. And then there was the eighty or ninety year-old woman with the beautiful big smile and kind face, who I’m sure had been battling eating disorders and self-harm her whole life. These things scared the fucking shit out of me, and rightfully so. I think about these people a lot, imagining them healthy and recovered, back with those who loved them.

One of the things you had to do a lot at Alexian was fill out paperwork. Paperwork about if you ate, how you felt, what your goal was, if you had any urges to harm yourself, if you had anything you wanted to talk about, etc. We filled out paperwork after every single meal and snack, and during “lessons” where speakers or teachers would come in and give a small lecture about taking good care of yourself. I still have a few of these plastered up on my wall, to remind me of those times. As annoying as it was, it really helped put things in perspective, so I thought this would be something to help both you and I regain some composure and hopefully a more positive mindset.

I want you to list/say…

10 things you like or love about yourself (5 physical and 5 personality/characteristics).

Your mood on a scale of 0-10+ (0 being perfectly happy and well, ten and up being suicidal).

10 things you are looking forward to this summer or year.

Your small goal for the day.

Your big goal for the day.

5 people who inspire you.

10 things you are grateful for/make you happy.

& lastly, if you are not feeling on a level of 0 (and really, who is?) come up with at least 3 possible solutions for your problems.

This has been pretty long already so I’m going to end it here. I might make another shorter post listing and explaining my answers, but this is craaazy long so I’ll halt for now. Feel free to list your own answers, my friends. And know that even when you feel numb or whatever-feeling, all it takes is a little bit of perspective.

It’s way too early but screw it, I’m going to be positive anyway!

Good (ridiculously early) morning, darlings. I have zero ideas on how the hell I am awake at this point and why on earth my body decided to rouse me from my awesomely weird dreams at THREE IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING! *flails around in a sleepy rage* But you know what, I’m going to roll with this. People say “the early bird gets the worm”, right?


Oh gosh, I need to pull myself together and think like a person. I apologize if this post is a little fuzzy, I’m inspired to post but at the same time, my brain is not yet fully functioning.

Onto the topic for today: ounces of happiness with a cup of positivity. (Cheesiest shit I’ve ever written. I need sleep). On this bright, sunny morning, pour yourself your favorite pick-me-up beverage and take a deep breath. Look at this sentence:

It’s going to be a GREAT, freaking majestic day. 🙂

And if you’re lacking some motivation at the moment, I pulled together some amazing quotes from equally amazing people to inspire the slippers off of you!

“Make the decision to talk about your blessings more than your problems. Whatever you focus on expands.”- http://www.myrenewedmind.org

“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.”- Mary Lou Retton

“The future belongs to the people who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

“This day will never happen again.”- Merton

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”- C.S Lewis (ooooh can we talk about how magical he is?!)

“Pessimists never go on a voyage of discovery, equally so they never leave the shoreline in search of new horizons.”- Stephen Richards

“Be so positively positive that the devil issues a memo directing his minions to avoid you at all costs.”- Dodinksy

“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”- Roald Dahl (♥ my personal favorite)

& lastly, Zooey Deschannel (marry me please!) with this quote for all the badass women out there, including myself, that are strong without hiding their vulnerabilities:

“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all- look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” 

The birds are a’chirping and the sunshine is calling me to the world of the functioning. What is your go-to quote for mad inspiration and motivation? Is your favorite in this list? What are you inspired to do today?



Getting to know me better!

Since my About page is pretty sparse,I thought I’d let you guys know a little bit about me. Besides, we could be hella awesome friends, right? My name is Violet Petals. I’m going through the process of getting my Gen Ed for a 2 year English degree, and will hopefully continue on to achieve higher education. I love writing, animals, and gloomy weather (with loooots of rain!). I have “Lusty Lavender” hair according to Splat and spend time admiring my little Loaches. If you’ve never seen them, look them up! They look like teeny tiny little eels with mustaches; even without a top hat they already look dapper. I only have a few close friends. During and after high school my circle of friends nearly disintegrated. I’m trying to navigate through the spiritual waters of Wicca- it’s something I’m very much interested in and I totally welcome and appreciate any stories/questions/pretty much anything on that subject. As mentioned in my About page, I’ve struggled with self-harm and continue to deal with Depression and Anxiety daily. These are topics that are dear to my heart, and one day I’m sure I’ll dedicate a few posts to my story and my visit in a mental hospital. And if any of you that are reading this are going through any of these things:


Hell, eventually, it will be more than okay.

If you’re looking for a sign of strength, a sign to keep going, this is it.

I’m writing this now for you, and the beautiful life you will live if you keep holding on.

It’s so fucking hard, but I swear loves, it gets easier and better and one day you’ll wake up and realize it was all worth it. Every pain was worth all the moments filled with peace and happiness.

Damnit, YOU are worth it.

Sending you much love and positive thoughts.