Gotta let it happen.

Hello, darlings! How are you? Have you been enjoying this deliciously strange summer? I hope all is well with you all. If you’re having a rough week already, remember that there is someone (& I’m sure more than just me!) wishing you well and rooting for you. You are loved, even if it’s by a sort-of-weirdo and unknown blogger! ♥ ♥ ♥
I’m back from my small Hiatus loves and, well, I’m pretty fucking positive! I don’t know if it’s the restful sleep I achieved last night, my willingness to go on more adventurous-type things, or the amazing music- regardless, I’m happy to be happy. I feel forever grateful.
Here’s what’s happened in the days i haven’t been blogging; I promise I’ve been super busy and not just neglecting ya’ll:
Thursday my beautiful Mermie took off work to help me out with birthday party preparations. It was nice spending a little time with her (as always).
Friday I turned nineteen! 🙂 *throws sparkly confetti and toasts with champagne* I tend to treat birthdays as very celebrations these days. It amazes me that not too long ago- three years- I woke up on my birthday and hated my life. I hated me. I was in so much fucking pain and was very much suicidal. I cannot describe the extent of my sorrows- that’s partially why I took comfort in self-harm, it was a way of expressing the pain that had no words to describe it. But now, right now, I am content. I am happy and feeling like a warrior and I have defeated the demons; or at least I have this morning. That’s a good enough victory for me. So I partied like no other champion: I got all gussied-up, met up with my sleepy bestie M in the late morning to catch up- she was out of state for ten days, man- and exchange birthday gifts. I missed her loads so it was lovely seeing her. Even her kitten Lucy quite enjoyed the assorted ribbons and wrapping paper spread out on her bed, haha. Then I cuddled with J and played a little with the cat and his two little dogs. We ended up grabbing Steak and Shake (the Birthday Caked Milkshake is freaking life-changing, by the way) and hung out with the lovely adoptable cats at the local Petsmart. Then we bought some fries and headed home to watch Archer on Netflix. My parents were as awesome as usual and gave me hugs and my favorite sandwhich from Panera. It was a blessed day.
Saturday was the birthday bbq my mom had planned. C was with me the whole day being her stellar self and there was food and family/family friends galore. J and M visited later in the evening and I made some super yummy Independence Day themed cupcakes that i shall forever be super proud of.
Lastly, yesterday I tried something new and drove up to Bristol, WI with a classmate for the Ren Faire! It was incredible; even better than I had dreamed it would be. It was truly magical and something I’ll have to do again next year for sure.
Which brings us to today~ chilling in my room, enjoying my self-love date (Gala Darling is totes a genius). Nope, I didn’t forget about my last D & T challenge, sillies. 😉

What does your self-love date look like?

Mine includes healthy food and a scoop of birthday cake ice cream as a treat, majorly uplifting songs from Paramore’s latest album (of course), comfy pajamas, staying indoors, and reading fiction books.

PS: I found the best, most positive quote on Pinterest today. “In the midst of winter I found there was within me an invincible summer.”

Love & Energy!

A common saying among the happy and successful is that one should find something you truly love and care about and run with it; pour yourself into a beloved hobby or a craft dear to your heart. This idea sparked a hundred thoughts in my head, the most important being a growing curiosity towards human energy. Energy, as in the very essence of ourselves. According to Wicca, this word is synonymous with Magick. No matter what we call it, it is definite that we have it. Each and every day we start off with a certain amount of energy and we choose to do with it as we please. Some actions/behaviors drain us, some exhaust us, some make us burst with an overflow of energy, and some give and take equally. For example, exercise. It takes energy and effort to work out for half an hour, but it also exchanges some of that old energy with new. What I’m trying to say is this: every day we decide to put our efforts and the little pieces of ourselves into things.

Why not tuck away these pieces into things that truly matter to us- like that “Get Well Soon” cupcake for a close friend, or an essay for a cause you believe in? You’re already giving parts of yourself away, why not make it count?

What have you been pouring yourself into lately?

Fourth round of Dares & Tears Tuesday & Post-Pride feelings

Hey, chums! How has the beginning of your week been? Has anything exciting, different, or simply pleasant happened to you? I’m truly hoping all of you internet dudes and dudettes are healthy, happy, and safe this awesome summer day. As Pride month came to a close yesterday, I was attempting to recover from the Chicago Pride Parade. It’s safe to say that Sunday SERIOUSLY tested my patience and emotional strength; it was a horrible, tear-filled day. To be honest I’m not in tip top shape yet so I don’t feel well enough to explain the entirety of that sucky situation, but I still want to share my life with you lovely strangers so I composed a sort of Pro versus Con list. Here are the basics of the day that officially makes me shudder:

Shitty things that occurred: I accidentally put nearly all my money on a train pass that only required $5. No one had planned much ahead so we were all sort of guessing where to get off from the train. The group eventually separated into two smaller groups because of a disagreement over directions. I led my J and his good friend to the very oh-so-wrong path; same street, TWO HOURS OF WALKING IN DIFFERENCE THOUGH. I THOUGHT IT WOULD NEVER END. So yeah, two hours of walking in Boystown in crazy heat. On this horrible trek I managed to slam/stub my toe onto a rock of fucking concrete and my toenail almost came all the way off- J patted me on the back and helped me get my bandaids on while I cried, fumbling around with Neosporin and desparately pushing the nail back onto the bloody pulp my toe had become, while his friend sort of watched with horror. Because of the two hour walk we. missed. the. fucking. parade. All of it. I was exhausted, starving, and dehydrated. I had four dollars to my name, because I had deemed it too risky to bring my cards so I only had cash. I was PMSing like a mofo so on top of feeling terrible I also felt incredibly jealous as an attractive, drunk-ass chick friend of J’s was touchy-feely with him when she finally met us and basically dragged him everywhere. I wanted to slice open her neck. Really, really bad day.

However, at least there were a few gems in there.

Good/Positive experiences of the day: I came super prepared minus the money part (chapstick, gum, my phone, Neosporin, bandaids, pretzels as a snack, water bottle, sunglasses, etc.). I looked- dare i say it?- incredible! When I learn how to Internet and upload pictures, I shall post some. I did my makeup Steam Punk-style, with actual metal gears and all. I looked like a total babe and I received a few compliments that made me smile. I didn’t get sunburnt because I used sunscreen, woo. two words- shirtless hotties. And also, super attractive girls. Seeing a friend for .573 seconds. My nails that look like pretty cakes with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. I tried Gellato for the first time (ahmasiiiing). No one pinched my butt. I wasn’t one of the many people who passed out. The train ride back was comfortable. J looked after me and tried to help cheer me up. I had pizza and chocolate later that day. Yaaasss.

Now, for the fourth D & T Tuesday! Grab your party hat and give yourself a high-five for being incredible and getting through that challenge! ♥ Here is a recap of how I approached the dare~

What I did: Went back to the library to check up on my application (which terrified me), surviving all of the horror for me which was Chicago pride (trusting my gut but still being wrong and leading two people astray by accident), and in general wearing a slightly-revealing outfit in Chicago, even though my body image isn’t super fabulous yet.

How it felt doing it: In general, scary, anxiety-ridden, and fearful. It sucked, but I’m proud of myself for accomplishing what I did and learning a couple lessons as a result.

Am I inspired to do something similar? I can’t give this one an honest yes. I don’t really know how to feel about it yet (fear is a huge obstacle for me) and I think I’m still processing it and weighing the possible consequences.

Pamper yourself a little today for facing a fear of yours, no matter how small. You did good, buddy 🙂

Now, this week’s challenge is particularly interesting to me. I triple-dog-dare ya’ll to Participate in Gala Darling’s July Instagram challenge for an entire week. Yep. You don’t need an Instragam for this- I personally don’t have an account- and can do this as privately as you’d like! Here’s a link to her blog post about it: http://galadarling.com/article/radicalselflovejuly-an-instagram-challenge/.

Basically, I dare you guys to take a picture corresponding to the appropriate day’s theme and keep them somewhere; perhaps a photo album, your RSL bible, or a scrapbook? The possibilities are endless! I strongly encourage you guys to do the entire month, but at the very least I dare you to do her prompts starting today and ending on next Tuesday. I, of course, will be doing them right along with you!

Are you as thrilled/intrigued about this challenge as I am? How did facing your fears go last week?

♥ ♥ With much love, silliness, and comfort being sent your way. ♥ ♥