A little lesson from the moon (AKA: Violet learned how not to be offensive)

I’m inclined to say that Friday the 13th was not as lucky for me as others, but maybe it’s just a different kind of good luck I experienced. It was early in the evening (about 8ish) and we were seated at C’s wooden table and someone mentioned something like, “Oh are you talking about your spirit animal?” in a joking tone. The first thing that comes to my mind when someone says spirit animal? Young adults who like an animal or think it’s cute and decide that they have a spiritual connection with that animal only to be trendy (spirituality is big with the New Age crowd, it seems. Which is cool, it’s just not cool to make a mockery of people that practice rituals and hold beliefs because you want to be that cool, edgy chick on Tumblr). Or the popular meme, “So-and-so is totes my spirit animal”. Like, Lorde. I would love Lorde to be my spirit animal. It’s considered an internet joke, and I have only seen people use it as such.

So I began with the first statement with, “Yeah, I think the ‘spirit animal’ thing is bullshit-” but was unable to finish the rest of my thoughts because the guy in front of me became really upset and clutching his dog tag (which I still have no idea of its significance, he just sort of threw it in my face) and said that he didn’t like me anymore. That I just dismissed his spiritual beliefs but that it was okay, he wasn’t going to bother to change my mind and opinions; all that mattered was his thoughts and my opinions were just invalid. Between his words, I apologized several times and attempted to ask him questions or explain himself but he just talked over me. When he calmed down a little, I was finally able to say “I’m sorry I offended you, can you please explain what it’s all about? I like discussion and I’d like to learn.” He explained that he was part Native American and had had a spiritual experience during a retreat with people about the wolf, and how much it meant to him. When he was done with his story, I thanked him for talking about it and apologized again for my ignorance. He thanked me for listening, then left the party for 15 or 20 minutes.

As you might be able to tell, I felt so damn awful. I felt like the shittiest human being to ever live. Me, the girl who prides herself on acceptance and kindness and respect, managed to offend someone deeply. This is also the first time I have ever offended someone. I remained quiet for the rest of the night and ended up leaving a couple hours early because I felt so miserable. So, yeah- my lucky Esbat ended up being really crappy, and seemingly unlucky.

But maybe it was a super lucky day.

1. I learned how to practice humility and apologize when I know I did something wrong. I also thank the Universe that I was able to admit ignorance and invite conversation about the other person’s beliefs. It REALLY sucks to admit you were wrong and don’t know as much as you had thought, but I was able to swallow my pride and own up in front of my peers.

2. It was a reminder to be very very careful with my word choice. It makes sense; as a writer, I’m going to have to be so precise because my words will literally determine my job. Even though I did not intend to offend the dude or even make that statement, I did and it was sloppy and not well thought out. Words can make a world of difference, and now I have a (painfully) fresh reminder of it.

3. That incident was a big test of my love for myself. As I have mentioned before, I used to self-harm. Part of that self-harm was denying myself food on occasions because I believed I wasn’t worth it/needed to be punished/etc. Two or three years ago you can bet that had a similar situation occured, I wouldn’t have eaten for the rest of the night (even though I was seriously hungry because I hadn’t eaten since 4pm). I would have considered myself inferior to everyone else- a stupid burden- and denied the nutrition my body needed to grow healthy and strong. It’s scary thinking about it now that I haven’t self-injured in so long. At first I didn’t eat anything because I did feel so badly about myself and my worth. But I took myself out of the situation via my mom driving me home, cried a little, and thought really hard and deeply about what happened, how I was feeling, and what I was going to do about it. I still felt horrid, but I decided I was going to eat. I had some extremely delicious bread rolls and slices of my favorite deli cheese. I drank a glass of water, took my pills, and went to sleep. I decided that even though I made a mistake and hurt someone’s feelings, hurting myself will never be the answer and I am a person and infinitely worthy of love and care just like everyone else. I am imperfect and human, and that is okay. I will learn from my mistakes and keep on being me. I think this action demonstrates how much I truly love myself; that I refuse to harm the vessel I live in because I am upset and feel insecure. I’m proud of me. *pats myself on the back*

and lastly, 4. Dude was kind of rude about it. I, of course, was in the wrong. My statement was not only unkind but incorrect in a lot of ways. I was offensive (regardless of intent) and deserved to apologize and listen to his beliefs and thoughts. However, I think he was being a bit immature and disrespectful by automatically jumping to “I don’t like you, I don’t like you anymore” and “your opinions are invalid”, instead of hearing me out and letting me say sorry. Throwing your dog tag in my face is also not going to help you seem more intelligent. No one’s opinions are invalid- just because someone doesn’t hold the same spiritual or moral beliefs that I do doesn’t mean that they don’t matter as a person. I have dealt with people saying similar offensive statements about me learning about Pagan traditions and whatnot and I never said anything to invalidate them and their personal beliefs. I have asked them why they felt that way, tried to open up a discussion, or simply asked to change the subject because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. The bottom line was that I was rude and a bit of a jerk. However, the guy’s reaction was- in my opinion, of course- unnecessary and childish.

But anyway, I messed up and owned up to it. I learned the person’s perspective. I guess that’s about all I can do about it now. Best believe I’ll be making sure my words are crazily precise before they come out of my mouth.

Advertisements

Preparations for the upcoming Esbat!!!

Squeeeee! As you can tell by the multiple explanation points in this post’s title, I am WAY stoked for the closest Esbat. I haven’t celebrated one in soooo long- I know, shame on me- and I’m even more because this Esbat falls upon a super lucky day:

Friday the thirteenth!

I know, I know. Lucky? More like most-likely-to-be-killed-by-a-serial-killer unlucky! It might surprise you to know that not all (or that many) cultures consider thirteen an unlucky number. Every culture has its own set of things deemed lucky/unlucky. For example, while buildings in the U.S might skip a thirteenth floor (though only through numbering), while in China buildings are more likely to skip the fourth floor because the Chinese word for four sounds very similar to their word for death. I used to be terrified of the number thirteen because of all the Western media that condemns it with horror movie themes and unlucky events that appear on the news. However, I dove into the history of thirteen and discovered that the number actually used to be considered very lucky. According to some, it was a number greatly connected to the Moon, lunar calendar, and femininity; huge parts of Wicca. So the fact that the most lunar-associated number, that ALSO corresponds with femininity, landing on a Friday (which is considered as a day connected to Venus/Freya/other Goddesses of the same nature) AND having a full moon?! if that’s not a hella positive and amazingly powerful sign from the universe, I don’t know what is.

If you want to learn more about the histories of Friday the thirteenth or why certain numbers are regarded as bad/good omens I seriously encourage you to read up on it. It’s such an interesting thing to explore!

So you know I am taking full advantage of this Esbat. Since I’ve already written a long intro, here is a simple list of things I’m going to do in preparation for this Friday:

1. Draw a relaxing bath before my shower, taking the time to put on a face and/or hair mask on, and think good thoughts.

2. Decorate my altar to correspond with the Esbat (i.e: symbols of love, romance, femininity, thirteen, positive changes, the moon, etc.).

3. Bake something with good, positive intent to make people smile, happy, and feel comforted; I have a bonfire to go to so I’ll be making Oreo muffins. Yum!

4. Wear an outfit that makes me with fabulous and that embraces my femininity. For me, that means flattery and comfy clothes, clean nails, shimmering makeup, and loooots of pastels. Yep, not a day for my badass purple lipstick haha.

5. Do a kind deed for Mother Earth: for example, a nature walk with a loved one where you pick up litter to dispose of, pruning and taking care of your garden/flowers, leaving excess animal-safe foods out for the little critters, putting up a birdfeeder/butterfly bath, trying to use as little electricity and gas as possible, etc, There’s an infinite amount of lovely things you can do for the environment!

6. Do something equally as loving for my marvelous human buddies! Write a random letter expressing your care for that person, leave sweet notes in public places, draw a picture for your little sister- once again, the possibilities are endless. 

7. Give thanks to the Universe for the privilege, food, shelter, love, opportunities, kindness, and health that I have in my life. I’ll probably make a gigantic gratitude list. 

8. Have a small offering to the Goddess(es)/Universe for being so darn wonderful and cool and for giving me life. I don’t do the typical cakes-and-mead thing normal Wiccans do. Instead, I like to fill a small, porcelain teacup with a little bit of milk, honey, and a small sugary treat and place it on my altar overnight. In the morning, I toss the food out the window and clean the cup for continued use.

9. Be extra aware of how I speak to, approach, and treat other living things- hopefully with love, kindness, and respect.

10. Read to my heart’s content, because I love myself and I love to read!

11. Spend time outside and outdoors.

12. Write down my current goals, hang ’em up, and focus on them. Full moons are a great time to focus on positive change and new things.

13. Celebrate! Woo!

Hey, thirteen also happens to be MY lucky number 😉

Dares & Tears Tuesdays!

Good afternoon, magnificent people of the Interwebs! Considering it’s a gloriously gloomy, cool day- June, you are hella weird this year but I appreciate your breezes!- I figured it was an awesome opportunity to begin a weekly thing for Scars & Sparkles. Tuesdays here in the Blogiverse shall now be dubbed Dares & Tears (like the action of tearing/ripping something) Tuesdays! Wooooo! *celebratory confetti and a kitten with a party hat*

Dares & Tears Tuesdays will be a day of each week dedicated to healthy and inspiring challenges, along with a follow-up on the previous week’s dare. I totally welcome any discussion concerning the challenges; how they went, if you made your own adjustments, what was hardest/easiest for you to do. I would also appreciate any suggestions for future dares. You guys are smart babes with sharp minds, your input is always appreciated. 🙂 And of course, I’ll be doing these challenges along with ya’ll! I find it to be way easier to start up healthy habits or drop bad ones if I have a supportive friend or family member doing them along with me. You might be surprised by the amount of motivation that can result from a little friendly encouragement.

This very first Dares & Tears Tuesday is about adventure. No, not a crazy road trip or a magical journey through a Tolkien-esque land- I’m talking about the little adventures in life. Even something as small as learning how to take care of a plant or wandering into a craft store to find the perfect coral acrylic paint can become adventures if your heart and mind are in the right place. Even if you end up completely loathing what you tried to do, the important thing is that you were a badass and tried something you’ve never done before; you’ve gone on a trip to self-discovery and found something you didn’t like. Hey, now you’ll never have to wonder if you would be happier if you took a cooking class! Knowledge is power and fearlessness is doing tons of new things (that don’t have to be huge or directly life-changing) so that you won’t be afraid of what your life would be like drowned in small regrets.

I triple dog dare you to go on as many tiny adventures as you possibly can- at least, until next Tuesday! Delve into the world truly aware and go out on a journey to find yourself another hobby or try something you’ve thought about doing but never actually started. Keep track of what you do and how it feels, and we can share our experiences next week. I promise I’ll keep you posted 😉

Talk with you later, darlings. I’m off to try new things!

Sassafrass speaking

Happy Saturday, lovelies! 🙂 How have you been doing? Good, I hope? Just in case, I’m sending out mental hugs and good vibes. I just thought I would share a snippet of the interesting epiphany I had yesterday. In the middle of one of my incredulous dreams (I can’t even explain how odd they are every time) there was a scene in which I was sitting comfortably next to some dude -who was totes gorgeous by the way- in a super bright, sunny room. I felt completely relaxed. He said something to me that I can’t recall, and I replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, I feel pretty good in my body. I mean, Damn. I look gorgeous and I don’t need someone to tell me I’m beautiful. I feel so good in my own skin.” I felt so warm and fuzzy inside! >_< I felt 100% confident, even though my self-harm scars were showing and I was wearing short shorts; proudly displaying my slightly stubbly legs and the inevitable cellulite my thighs carry. I gave zero fucks about these “imperfections”. When I told my bb girl M this dream, she mentioned that maybe it’s a sign from the Universe/my subconscious that not only is radically loving myself super possible but I can do it right at this moment! So regardless of what the heck that dream actually meant, I’m going to go with her theory and fill myself up with some positive inspiration!

Have you ever had an “Aha!” moment?

xxooxxoo 

Today is one hell of a day- go live it!

I’m feeling super optimistic today. I’m not exactly sure why I feel so positive, but who am I to disagree? Maybe the universe is giving me a little push in the right direction. Who knows? 🙂

I’ve so far gone almost a week without wearing makeup. I think my skin is thanking me for it. I still have the breakouts that started forever ago, but so far zero new ones. And that’s awesome! I’ve been reading some interesting self-help books- three so far- and a common theme to living happier and healthier is to celebrate every milestone, no matter how tiny or insignificant it seems; because in reality, isn’t it significant? Without the inches we’ve traveled, we would have never gotten as far as we have. Ever centimeter is vital to our happy outcome. Therefore, I am celebrating my skin not developing any new blemishes and to show my face I appreciate it, I’ll pamper it with a homemade face mask and a DIY massage. Am I the only one who takes DIY beauty waaay too much to heart? Whenever I request that my parents buy something from the grocery store, they have a joke where they ask “Are you going to eat it? Or are you going to put it on your face?” Harr hardy har. Whatever- I had darn glorious skin when I did that sort of thing often. I’m not afraid to be silly if it leads to good skin to match my smile! 😉

It still feels weird to compliment myself. Even though I know I am a humble person who doesn’t think of herself as superior to anyone, this healthy behavior is typically depicted by unhealthy characters in the Media. For example, the gorgeous popular girl who appreciates herself but also does really awful things. The positive characters usually feel bad about themselves and their appearance, but they are still accepted as better or healthier. It would be nice if the good character displayed this habit too. As odd as it seems, loving yourself does NOT equal narcissism. We should have a better representation of strong female characters, you know?

However, I seriously implore you to start being kind to yourself. If you can’t yet say a totally nice compliment to your reflection, don’t try to force it and just half-ass it. That won’t help you learn to love the vessel you’ve been given. Instead, if you can’t say “I love my legs”, try something along the lines of “My legs aren’t perfect or super great, but they carry me everywhere I go and they’re definitely not the worst legs in the world”. If you start doing an exercise like this in front of a mirror every day, eventually you’ll discover other body parts that “aren’t so bad” and eventually even “gorgeous”. I know you can do it, all you have to do is try. ♥

Another thing I read along my literary journal is this:

If you never ask, you’ll never receive.

Simple enough, yes? And yet, my lovely tater tots, it’s something all of us don’t always quite take to heart. Our brains understand the sentence and the meaning, but it still doesn’t quite connect in our mind. At some point, we’ve all let our doubts take over- we’ve made excuses and reasons to not do something we want to do. You don’t ask about a raise because you’re able to make a living out of your current salary, change is unpleasant along with confrontation, and your boss could always say no. But guys? The absolute worst that can happen is that he/she will say no. I think that’s a very valid reason to go for it- you won’t be harming yourself or another, and if you never ask for that increase in pay, you will. never. ever. get. it.

There’s nothing that risky about asking for something you desire. If you have a dream, you can totally make it happen. You just have to recognize your excuses are products of your self-doubt and that the only thing holding you back is your negative thinking.

You go girl. Open up that bakery, or start on that novel. We can’t wait for you to succeed.

Much love and happiness being sent your way! Hope this post inspired you as much as it did me.

Oh joys of womanhood..

Good afternoon, little sea pancakes! I know they’re called sting rays, but they look like delightful pancakes and this name just suits them a million times better. Sorry I haven’t written in a while- feels like forever!- but I’ve been a total train wreck these past few days. My period hath hit, and it definitely did some damage haha. I PMSed like crazy, ate an average of five KitKats per day, and wanted to cry for no reason 24/7. However, the Moon has released me from most of the insanity and I actually feel Violet-enough to write once more.

I’m lacking a lot of inspiration and will power but I thought this article was super interesting. Very uplifting! Not to mention it made me feel quite a lot better about getting my period.

 http://www.xojane.com/newagey/eight-reasons-you-should-be-psyched-to-get-your-period

Wishing you all happiness and love.

Feeling like a total babe

This is more of an inquisitive post. What sort of things give you major confidence/make you feel like the fabulous creature (that you totally are)? They don’t have to be products or items, think of actions or behaviors or events that make you feel the most free. What makes you glow with inner-radiance?

I’ll share a little bit of what makes me feel super marvelous~

1. Feeling clean. There’s nothing better than a warm shower and feeling your hair after it’s become clean again (I’m one of those girls that don’t wash it every day, so wash days are glorious to me). I also get that same surge of contentedness after I’ve brushed my teeth, washed my face, and finished the rest of my morning hygiene routine. I’ve come to the conclusion that feeling fresh = feeling fab.

2. Gloomy/cool weather. I love me some rainy weather- I’m thinking of moving to Seattle eventually. Something about that wet smell of water upon grass and ground makes me feel truly at home. When it rains at night I get the most amazing sleep, and when I walk through the rain to get to my classes I feel myself walking taller and carelessly. Am I the only one that feels ridiculously awkward when they walk?

3. Badass lipstick. When I was younger I hated lipstick. I thought it was just a silly product (but let’s be honest, what cosmetic isn’t silly?). But recently I’ve discovered a deep love for them and the way that they can give me that extra ounce of self-esteem. I don’t have to wear anything else on my face, it’s that awesome. I just bought a dark purple/red color for my collection to feed my inner Lorde haha.

What makes you feel like the pretty goddess you are?