Putting things into perspective (TW: mention of self injury & eating disorder)

Last night was one of those nights; you know, those moments where it seems life is merely perpetual boredom and just not sufficient. Coming from someone who acknowledges that life is precious and beautiful and of infinite worth, this really messed me up. Part of me wanted this feeling to go away and change things in my life to make it more purposeful. The other part? It thought, Meh. Why should I even care? It had a complete lack of motivation (really problematic and the enemy of those with mental illness). Thankfully, J had ridiculously wise words and sage advice- I believe he said something along the lines of: It’s hard to see the point in things and even want to change anything, but when you get that first happy moment, it’ll change everything and inspire you to keep on bettering yourself. Goodness, is he some sort of therapeutic wizard? So even though I still feel sort of lethargic, a little spark in my ignited. It’s that minuscule but magical spark within all of us that ignites when we need it most; the tiny but forever-burning fire which fuels our spirit and mind. It made my mind drift back to my stay in the hospital, and some of the many invaluable things I learned there.

I was placed in the SIRS/ED program at Alexian Brothers (Self Injury Rehabilitation Whatever-the-S-stands-for and Eating Disorders). There I met many incredible and wondrous individuals who I will forever thank for their help and keep in my heart always. Not just those who helped support me and my new healthy perspective, but those that were so tremendously far gone that I was scared into never being one of them. It had heartbreaking moments: the 12 year-old girl that was so withered away and fragile that on family visit day her parents would hold her in their arms as if she were an infant. She was so small, and I’m sure her demons have stunted her growth by now. It hurt seeing that and still brings tears to my eyes- I hope that some day she will look in the mirror and recognize who she really was: a survivor of disease, a loving big sister and daughter, and a precious, sweet girl with a quiet voice that was braver and stronger than most. There was the teen girl who had a swirl of strawberry- blond on her head, who (while being weaned off of medication) writhed and screamed on the floor, sobbing for “more pills please, just to take the pain away”. And then there was the eighty or ninety year-old woman with the beautiful big smile and kind face, who I’m sure had been battling eating disorders and self-harm her whole life. These things scared the fucking shit out of me, and rightfully so. I think about these people a lot, imagining them healthy and recovered, back with those who loved them.

One of the things you had to do a lot at Alexian was fill out paperwork. Paperwork about if you ate, how you felt, what your goal was, if you had any urges to harm yourself, if you had anything you wanted to talk about, etc. We filled out paperwork after every single meal and snack, and during “lessons” where speakers or teachers would come in and give a small lecture about taking good care of yourself. I still have a few of these plastered up on my wall, to remind me of those times. As annoying as it was, it really helped put things in perspective, so I thought this would be something to help both you and I regain some composure and hopefully a more positive mindset.

I want you to list/say…

10 things you like or love about yourself (5 physical and 5 personality/characteristics).

Your mood on a scale of 0-10+ (0 being perfectly happy and well, ten and up being suicidal).

10 things you are looking forward to this summer or year.

Your small goal for the day.

Your big goal for the day.

5 people who inspire you.

10 things you are grateful for/make you happy.

& lastly, if you are not feeling on a level of 0 (and really, who is?) come up with at least 3 possible solutions for your problems.

This has been pretty long already so I’m going to end it here. I might make another shorter post listing and explaining my answers, but this is craaazy long so I’ll halt for now. Feel free to list your own answers, my friends. And know that even when you feel numb or whatever-feeling, all it takes is a little bit of perspective.

It’s way too early but screw it, I’m going to be positive anyway!

Good (ridiculously early) morning, darlings. I have zero ideas on how the hell I am awake at this point and why on earth my body decided to rouse me from my awesomely weird dreams at THREE IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING! *flails around in a sleepy rage* But you know what, I’m going to roll with this. People say “the early bird gets the worm”, right?

…Right?

Oh gosh, I need to pull myself together and think like a person. I apologize if this post is a little fuzzy, I’m inspired to post but at the same time, my brain is not yet fully functioning.

Onto the topic for today: ounces of happiness with a cup of positivity. (Cheesiest shit I’ve ever written. I need sleep). On this bright, sunny morning, pour yourself your favorite pick-me-up beverage and take a deep breath. Look at this sentence:

It’s going to be a GREAT, freaking majestic day. 🙂

And if you’re lacking some motivation at the moment, I pulled together some amazing quotes from equally amazing people to inspire the slippers off of you!

“Make the decision to talk about your blessings more than your problems. Whatever you focus on expands.”- http://www.myrenewedmind.org

“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.”- Mary Lou Retton

“The future belongs to the people who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

“This day will never happen again.”- Merton

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”- C.S Lewis (ooooh can we talk about how magical he is?!)

“Pessimists never go on a voyage of discovery, equally so they never leave the shoreline in search of new horizons.”- Stephen Richards

“Be so positively positive that the devil issues a memo directing his minions to avoid you at all costs.”- Dodinksy

“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”- Roald Dahl (♥ my personal favorite)

& lastly, Zooey Deschannel (marry me please!) with this quote for all the badass women out there, including myself, that are strong without hiding their vulnerabilities:

“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all- look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” 

The birds are a’chirping and the sunshine is calling me to the world of the functioning. What is your go-to quote for mad inspiration and motivation? Is your favorite in this list? What are you inspired to do today?

 

 

Getting to know me better!

Since my About page is pretty sparse,I thought I’d let you guys know a little bit about me. Besides, we could be hella awesome friends, right? My name is Violet Petals. I’m going through the process of getting my Gen Ed for a 2 year English degree, and will hopefully continue on to achieve higher education. I love writing, animals, and gloomy weather (with loooots of rain!). I have “Lusty Lavender” hair according to Splat and spend time admiring my little Loaches. If you’ve never seen them, look them up! They look like teeny tiny little eels with mustaches; even without a top hat they already look dapper. I only have a few close friends. During and after high school my circle of friends nearly disintegrated. I’m trying to navigate through the spiritual waters of Wicca- it’s something I’m very much interested in and I totally welcome and appreciate any stories/questions/pretty much anything on that subject. As mentioned in my About page, I’ve struggled with self-harm and continue to deal with Depression and Anxiety daily. These are topics that are dear to my heart, and one day I’m sure I’ll dedicate a few posts to my story and my visit in a mental hospital. And if any of you that are reading this are going through any of these things:

IT WILL BE OKAY. 

Hell, eventually, it will be more than okay.

If you’re looking for a sign of strength, a sign to keep going, this is it.

I’m writing this now for you, and the beautiful life you will live if you keep holding on.

It’s so fucking hard, but I swear loves, it gets easier and better and one day you’ll wake up and realize it was all worth it. Every pain was worth all the moments filled with peace and happiness.

Damnit, YOU are worth it.

Sending you much love and positive thoughts.

When life trips you up…

It can be really hard to get back up. I’m not sure why, but even when the obstacles present in our life seem small and insignificant, they can still pose great challenge. Especially when you’ve gone through things much worse (hello, week stay in a mental hospital) and so you feel silly for being so “dramatic”. But regardless of how big or meaningful or dire the bumps in the road are, each time we manage to go climb over them it still feels like a battle- and when you’ve overcome that teeny tiny hill, it still fills you with accomplishment and bravado.

So while last night I had heartburn a thousand times more painful and harder to work through (heartburn is fucking killer :l) than the emotional obstacles I faced yesterday, it. Was. Still. Hard. Long story short, I began this blog on another blogging site, blog.com. It was literally the first free website that come up, and I instantly fell in love with the admin process, layout of posts, and the gorgeous, fairytale theme. Unfortunately, this excitement only lasted two days, as although my blog technically still exists somewhere in the vast land of Internet, the website has deleted all recollection of me as its admin and therefore says I have zero posts and whatnot. Yep, kind of a bummer. Oh, and their help/support page apparently doesn’t exist. But according to my expert snooping skills, the website hasn’t been doing well since 2013. Okay, so a few posts from the site’s official blog may that explained this may have come up on my dashboard, but I am a detective, god damnit.

Thankfully, I was able to find this lovely website right hurr that had the same stunning theme. Content sigh ♥ And while this shit was pretty much no big deal, it stressed me out like crazy because I genuinely enjoy blogging and finding hobbies that make me feel good is kind of hard for me. So that’s my story about how I freaked out over three posts on a blog I just made and nearly cried out of frustration.

Presently, I’m determined to actually do something today. My “oh-so-productive” day that I predicted? Yeah, didn’t go that well. The past few days I planted all of the flowers J and his mom passed onto my care (and my little bb’s are already growing!) but that’s where my productivity halted. For two days. But I promise,- nay, I pinkie swear!- that today is my day to shine and be hella creative and productive. I have so much to do… ;-;

Buuuut before I go, here’s a little life tip if you guys are in the difficult process of loving yourself and exploring life, surround yourself with positivity. Not just in real life either, but here on the web. I promise we don’t bite! Here’s a couple bloggers to start you off. If you haven’t already, pay the mega babes Gala Darling (http://galadarling.com/) and Veronica Varlow (http://dangerdame.com/diary/), it’s sooo incredibly worth it. They truly inspire me and I think they might inspire you too 🙂

Do you have any favorite bloggers that you think embody true self-love and inner-peace? What about writers, artists, teachers, etc.?

Feel-good music

Good morning, beauties! I woke up today feeling pretty meh (due to weird love-type shit which I’ll explain one day in a later post) but when I realized I was home alone for once, I could enjoy myself! There’s something so incredibly peaceful about having an empty house that’s all yours to play in for the day. I think I might actually get stuff done today ;)

Before I get into my possible to do list, I want to share a little anxiety-buster with you: singing!

I love to sing. I like to think I have a pretty good voice, but in all honesty it can just be super fun and a healthy way to wake up. I’m a morning person, but I’m still working on the waking up part har har. I’ve read a few articles about the benefits of singing, such as: working the muscles of your body (yes, even when sitting!), controlling your breathing, lowering blood pressure, increasing blood circulation, etc. It’s a lovely little workout that makes you feel super good about yourself and life. It doesn’t matter if you don’t sound like Beyonce, as long as you enjoy it, you should do it. If you want to read up more about the benefits of singing, here’s a decent link: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/10168914/All-together-now-singing-is-good-for-your-body-and-soul.html

Along with singing, I’ve noticed that the right kind of music can really lift me up (even when I’m feeling downright awful). I would stay away from sad/heartbreaking songs that might influence your mood in a much more negative way. As beautiful and magical as Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” is, it’s probably not going to help you feel happier. So here is a small playlist of the songs that work for me on meh mornings!

“Love Me or Let Me Go”- Avery

“Go Screw Yourself”- Avery

“Postcard”- Bridgit Mendler

“Anklebiters”- Paramore

“Wings”- Little Mix

“Cityscapes”- Katie Costello

“Dark Horse”- Katy Perry

“Pearl”- Katy Perry

“Us”- Regina Spektor

As for my possible to do list for the day, yesterday J (best friend/ex/?) brought over pots of flowers that I want to plant so I should probably get going on that. Then I shall do the dishes, tidy up my room, finish up my laundry, get my appointments figured out, and… I don’t know. I guess, leave some room in my schedule for some bad-assery and magical shit?

Peace out, you majestic creatures! Keep on doing you. ♥

What songs are on your feel-good playlist? Do you enjoy singing? What song have you been playing on repeat lately? (For me it’s “Empty” by The Story So Far) What is on your majestic to do list this spring morning?

Spreading some love ♥

Good afternoon, Interwebs! How is everyone’s day so far? It’s very bright and sunny out where I am- there are flowers peeping out from everywhere! Although I’m personally partial to gloom and rain, I have to admit that seeing the grass look like little blades of emerald is magical to see.

And what else is magical?

YOU.

Yes, you.

Your words. Your thoughts & actions & quirks & laughter.

Everything you are and do is powerful, and influences your entire life and all it touches.

So today, use your power for good. Love yourself, love others, and let your kindness touch all corners of the earth! I feel good about myself today, and I want you to, too. So do something to pamper yourself and help someone else out. It can honestly change everything.

What would you do if you truly believed in yourself and your ability to transform things? Would you act any differently than you do now?

Hello there, lovelies from the Interwebs!

This is my first blog post ever, so please try to excuse my nubbiness. I want this blog to be a small piece of comfort for you to

have in your lives. Of course any gender is welcome at my blog, but as a woman I’ll be focusing on things that relate to my gender (sorry dudes!). But if you like what you read, feel free to please keep on reading and enjoy yourself. This will act as a sort of journal for me, along with little things and excerpts I find beautiful or important. I’m up for healthy debates and discussions, but if you simply insult me or anyone else or just be rude, I will delete the comment. A lot of times I’ll probably just ramble and be Violet-ish, but my goal here is to express, inspire, and hopefully get a smile to crack on your lovely face! Feedback and comments are appreciated.

PS: I originally started this blog on blog.org but apparently that site is known for being incredibly shifty and glitchy. 0/10 would NOT recommend.

I hope your Sunday is as magical as you are!

Sunshine & Hugs,

Violet Petals